For many individuals, especially during this digital era we find ourselves in; self validation is indeed rare. Self Validation has to do with respecting yourself, letting yourself think, feel and want with acceptance- no judgements, second-guessing or devaluing yourself. Judging yourself usually leads to shame and disappointment. Some people devalue themselves because of a shattered dream. On another note most people simply compare themselves with high net-worth achievers that have put in years of struggle to become the success figure they are, without considering the sacrifice they made to be successful. These patterns of thinking can lead to an unhappy life filled with self devaluing and denial.
Imagine that you were in charge of the care of a 3 months old baby. At feeding time, would you feed the baby with no strings attached? Of course you would!! You won’t say, “OK Kid! Unless you can do something smart or witty; unless you can sit up and say ABC or make me laugh, you don’t get milk! You feed the baby because it deserves to be fed. It deserves love, care and fair treatment. It deserves all that because, like you, it is a human being. YOU DESERVE EXACTLY THE SAME!! You deserved it when you were born and you deserve it now. Lots of folks get the idea that unless they are clever or as smart or as beautiful or as well paid or as sporty or as witty as other people they see around them, they are undeserving of love respect and the good things in life! NO!! YOU DESERVE LOVE AND RESPECT BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU!!! Too rarely do most of us focus on our real inner beauty and our inner strengths.
It is really important that we focus our thoughts to think positive at all times. A bad self image says “I DONT DESERVE” “I CANT DO IT” etc. This leads you to become unenthusiastic and unhappy which make you to subconsciously sabotage your own happiness. Every one of us should work continuously in other to maintain a positive self image and self esteem. If you can truly agree to more than 7 of the traits listed below, it means that there is room for improvement regarding the way you see yourself:
• Constant Comparison of yourself with others
• Not asking for what you want or what is owed to you
• Inability to make decisions
• Negative Self talks
• Non-acceptance of compliments
• Not taking your own need into account
• Depriving yourself of luxury unnecessarily
• Always harbouring negative thoughts about happy occurrences
• Needing to be perfect, which leads to depression
• Inability to try new things
• Always living in isolation even when want to be outside
• Feeling hopeless and worthless even in positive situations
• Cannot handle criticism, even when it comes in a constructive manner
• Always blaming other people for your present condition
• Doesn’t have appropriate understanding of personal boundaries
Truth be told that as human beings everyone must identify with some of these traits because no one is perfect, but in a situation where almost all of these traits applies to you, I believe it is time to CHANGE these patterns. It is not who you are, you were not born this way; it is a result of influences and exposures you have subconsciously programmed your mind to believe from childhood. These could be in the form of growing up with critical parents, child abuse, temperaments, absence of praise, warmth & affection etc. Change is difficult, but self acceptance is something you can nurture. Just see it as a new skill you are about to acquire by constant practice and prayers. To improve your self esteem and self worth, the following tips and remainders can help boost the way you feel about yourself;
1. Forgive yourself and others: Most of us dwell on our past mistakes and failures, or what people have done to us and then we tend to shut ourselves out from enjoying a good life. Forgive yourself and move on! Let the past stay where it belongs!
2. Learn to be appreciative: One of the simplest ways to feel good about you is to recognise the beauty in others, give compliments, accept compliments and say “Thank you”. Always be thankful every morning you wake up and before you retire for night rest.
3. Shut down your inner critic: You must have observed that there is always an inner voice saying all sorts of negative things about you and most of you mistaken this as a good voice of reason. Always reach out to your higher self when the negative thoughts arrive, use affirmations daily e.g I AM BEAUTIFUL, I CAN DO IT, I AM PROSPEROUS etc and see your mindset change for good.
4. Acknowledge your value: When you do something right or achieve one of your goals, give yourself a pat on the back, give yourself a treat. Always speak well of yourself. If you have nothing good to say about yourself, keep your mouth shut!!
5. Consider the people around: Do you surround yourself with negative people? Or people that constantly criticize you? It is time to move! Get around good positive people that have the same dreams and aspirations as you do, life will seem simple, trust me!
6. Become Adventurous: Always work at having pleasures without any form of guilt, travel the world, go on holiday, try a new sports, try a new hobby, join a motivation association, when you are invited for an occasion just go! Stop second guessing yourself, get outside and meet new people and stop waiting for people to find you inside your room.
7. Perform Charitable Acts: When you unconditionally give to others and help people, you will see how your good deeds puts a smile on someone’s face, you will find it hard to think bad about yourself. Being charitable doesn’t have to be all in monetary terms, you can join voluntary groups, assist in church activities, help older people around you and watch the way you will feel after someone blesses you for being so helpful.
In a nutshell, being happy with oneself actually comes from within, you can start by faking it till you make it, it really works. Think healthy, happy and abundance thoughts. Imagine yourself as you actually want to be very single day. Accept and love yourself where you are right now then make room for improvements, and above all put it in prayers! Feel free to drop your comments and suggestions below. Cheers!!